So here I am trying to find something to write about when I start thinking about various things that scare the "living bejezus" outta me.
I haven't made an online list for a while, so I guess it's a good time to start up again!
Hakai's Random (and sometimes anecdotal) List of things that make him go "Holy Bejezus!"
- by Hakai
7.) Religious Terrorists
Oh yeah, you hear about them all over the news.
I don’t know about you but a crazy man with a bomb that is spouting crap about how they’ll ascend to the heavens after they kill a building full of people is REALLY freaking scary.
Wave a pamphlet about celestial virgins in the guy’s face and he’ll pull the trigger faster!
Wonderful ain’t it?!
6.) Military “Wackos”
Yeah you’ve probably already met at least one Ex-Military loon who was discharged on a “Section 8” (classified as ‘psychological’).
These guys tend to stare at things for oblong periods of time as they experience flashbacks or whatever crazy images flit about their head. It’s one thing to meet up with a trained killing machine, but to meet up with a trained killing machine that also can’t tell “Charlie” from “Friendly”.
One of these guys took out a former founder of Pantera. From one of the articles I’ve read, he kept talking about how they, “stole his music”. You tend to hear crap like that from the really psycho ones.
Maybe you’ll get lucky and only meet a washed-up wannabe “Section 8”, these are a variant of the military whacko, but instead of getting out because they almost slaughtered everyone, they only get booted out because they’re fricking stupid and have to be psychologically evaluated after telling everyone that they just “want to kill somebody”.
Side note:
I actually used to know a guy like this a little while back….wouldn’t shut the hell up, Kept making huge ass stories about how he supposedly had designed the M-16.
(Considering that this guy wasn’t even born back around the Vietnam Conflict, I think his claim had little actual merit).
5.) Amazonian Parasites
Yeah you’ve heard jokes about these and some people want to say that they're not true.
They’re little parasites that’ll swim up a stream of urine and torpedo right into the fun-rod!
While i've been told (thanks Nic!) that this is either untrue or of a "very slim chance", i'm still gonna keep the whipper in the zipper if i'm ever near the Amazon.
Playing with chances like that is like playing Russian roulette with yourself and creating a rule where you get 6 turns before spinning again......
(it's gonna come around SOMETIME)
Geez, just thinking about it is making me hurt!
4.) Terror screaming (in the distance and coming your way)
There was this one time I was out in the middle of a wooded area for a quick hike.
I was standing there debating on if I should turn back (since I had gone quite a distance from the main path), when I suddenly start hearing this terror filled screaming in a “not quite distant distance”.
You can only imagine what I was thinking as this screaming started to get closer and closer.
There I was in lost in the middle of the FREAKING woods and I hear someone else screaming rapidly at the top of their lungs in full blown terror for a good 5 minutes.
(Believe me when I tell you that it doesn’t help your nerves any when you hear someone screaming for 5 minutes straight. Especially when you start hearing that gasping, crying breathing that people do when they’ve done this and are obviously horrified by something).
As I start looking around for somewhere to set up a defensive perimeter (a.k.a. “I was looking for a frickin place to hide”) a girl comes running into sight with about half of her clothes hanging off of her back.
As she heads toward me I start gaping at her and a long chain of thoughts flashes into my head.
“DEAR GOD I’M CLUELESS URGENT MUST HIDE URGENT GOTTA KEEP FROM WETTING PANTS URGENT SCENT WILL ATTRACT CRAP MIGHT BE TOO LATE!!! I DON’T WANNA GET STUCK!!!! *CRY CRY*”
Now many of you will wonder why the hell I’d suddenly think some of these keywords, such as “clueless”, but bear with me.
In quite a few horror movies where a female character manages to get away from the detaining bad guy (Hereby to be known as “The Psycho Sicko”), there is this one poor soul sitting in the middle of nowhere for no apparent reason (hereby to be known as “The Clueless Guy”).
In scenario A, the woman makes it to “The Clueless Guy” panting and wimpering and unable to make sense. (Of course the guy doesn’t have a freaking clue what she’s taking about).
As “The Clueless Guy” is trying to calm her down enough to figure out just what the hell is going on, “The Psycho Sicko” jumps out from behind a tree and shoves a pointy object into “The Clueless Guy’s (back/ass/any general spot where it’ll hurt badly).
In scenario B, the woman runs into the man and knocks them both down or otherwise trips up “The Clueless Guy”, she continues to run as “The Psycho Sicko” swings an axe into “The Clueless Guy’s” chest.
Both end up being very painful to “The Clueless Guy”.
So let’s sum up what my current situation is:
Strike 1:
A barely dressed, VERY CUTE girl is running toward me in an obviously disheveled state while panting and screaming at an alarmingly rapid pace.
Strike 2:
I am clueless in the middle of the woods
Strike 3:
I don’t happen to be carrying a weapon of any kind, and since this girl showed up I never even thought to look behind me. (DOY!)
As I stand there jumping around like a Chihuahua looking every-which way for a machete wielding, ski-mask wearing maniac coming after her, she bowls into me and knocks us both to the ground.
Yeah, that was NOT COOL! It had ‘Scenario B’ written all over it!
As I’m scrabbling to my feet she starts babbling incoherently while rubbing her chest and arms vigorously. (Confused the living shit out of me and also making me a qualifier for ‘Scenario A’)
Well lucky for me I would be spared being gutted with an axe.
Basically what had happened is that she was hiking along when a big wet bundle landed on her shoulder. She was getting ready to wipe it off when it burst open and a million tiny spiders crawled all over her,
Because of this she panicked (can’t blame her really) and managed to run around for about 10 minutes screaming as fast as she could draw breath.
As I said, lucky me because thought I was gonna die horribly that day!
Thank God for that!
If anyone tells you that someone screaming in terror isn’t scary when you’re alone, they need to have this freaking situation happen to them.
I also lost my taste for hiking for a year.
3.) Flesh Eating Zombies.
I rant on and on about how cool Zombie movies are (Quite awesome!)
What would happen if one day you woke up and had a rotting corpse walking into your bedroom? I, quite frankly, would freak the hell out. Walking corpses just aren’t natural!
Side note:
First I’d freak out THEN I’d reach over and pick up the sharp and sturdy Wakizashi I happen to keep on my dresser for such an occasion.
I’ve done my research on Zombie killing (Bless you zombie survival guide!).
The Wakizashi I currently have by my bed has a straight blade (no serrated edges for me!), a full tang and is of sturdy construction. It’s practically MADE for head lopping!
Now all i need to get is a Styer M9, and the M1A1 Carbine i've been keeping my eye on.
Semi-Auto, the only way to go when faced off by hordes of mindless zombies.
(since head shots are really the only ones that count!)
2.) Japanese Wraiths/Vengeful spirits
Seen “The Grudge” or “Ju-on”?
When the Japanese talk about vengeful spirits they’re not playing around. These buggers will get you fast! (and they love to scare the crap out of you before they do it too!)
According to Japanese mythology, spirits of those who die from traumatic and violent death stay on this Earth, never to leave (correct me if I’m incorrect in this).
Because of this, when a place gets haunted, it STAYS haunted….and how!
It’s one thing to get hunted down by a ghost that just wants something from you (a la The Sixth Sense), but to be trailed endlessly by a spirit who simply wants to hurt others? Whooooeeee!
As I’ve said to Constance on more than one occasion, one day I’m going to purchase a combat ready Katana and Wakizashi (also known as “Daisho” when carried together), then catch a flight to Japan to get it blessed by someone for Demon-Slaying/Spirit-Banishment.
While this SOUNDS comical in a way, while everyone is busy cowering in the corner and looking at the black hair trailing across the ceiling (creeeeepy image there.....), i'll be busy hacking away at the bloated corpse-like girl that's trying to suck my soul out.
Point for Hakai, Zero for people laughing at him.
"Hakai Blessed Daisho of Undead slaying", kind of has a ring to it.
(considering that Hakai is actually a (innacurate?) way of saying "Destruction" in Japanese.)
(Add in the fact that my online persona is Hakai Youkai (Destruciton Demon) and it REALLY gets me confused now!)
1.) Facehuggers (you know from Alien, Aliens, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection)
Whooooo boy do these things scare the frakking crap outta me! (little Battlestar lingo there).
Not only do they skitter around on finger-like extremities but they have a coiling tail, acid for blood, and a friggin tube that they shove down your throat to deposit a frigging ORGANISM!
What's creepier than having something grow in you that came in through your mouth? Honestly!
If Gingivitis was this scary I think there'd be a rush to the store for some Scope and a coupla’ tubes of Aquafresh!
The big ones are scary enough, crawling on walls and jammin a set of extendible jaws into the top of your head, but these things....man these things take the frickin cake!
Icky alien gooey kinda cake.......NOT the good stuff
